Ethan was born on a Friday and we stayed at leeds until the Monday. On the day he was born we were told that Leeds couldn't operate due to the nature of his heart condition but they sent their findings to specialists in London to see if the could help. On Saturday we were told that London too could not help us, and that it was only a matter of time before we would have to say goodbye to our baby bear. It was at this time we were given the option to stay at Leeds or Go to Bluebell. During the days at leeds Ethan stayed on the neonatal unit as myself and matt were given a room on a ward away from Ethan. For me it was difficult not being with him all the time. Not knowing how long he would be in my life was heart wrenching. I needed to spend as much time with him as possible. As you can imagine i didn't sleep much at all so i would walk over to the other side of the hospital and sit by his crib every night. Sometimes i would just watch him and listen to his cute little squeak and other times i thought stuff it and i held him for as long as i could. I didn't like putting him down or sharing him with anybody, but i knew i had to eventually. While at leeds we had a few visits and after the news that Ethan wasn't going to be in our lives for long it was important to us that family saw him but this was difficult because of the distance we were away from home. It was because of this we decided that Bluebell wood sounded like a good option for us. The staff at Leeds that took care of us and Ethan were lovely. They told us that our case was not something that happens every day. They were just as upset as us that they couldn't help him. On our last day and night there they let us stay in a special family room based on the neonatal unit and brought Ethan's crib into the room. It was here where my niece Lilly-Mae met her cousin. I will never forget how her little face lit up as she said "he's so cute'. Explaining to her that Ethan could't stay for long must have been difficult for my sister, but it's amazing how children look at things like this. She tells me he is the brightest star now and looks for him every night. That night we were able to stay in that room and have time with Ethan alone for the first time. Being able to lay with him was lovely. It is here we took some of our favourite photos.